My Earthly Father

My heart aches as I pretend that this is all not real. My soul mourns as I watched you go. You are here but you are not. I see you watching me from above. I have deep anguish and regret that if only you gave me one more minute of your time. If only you told me one more time that you love me. That you are proud of me. It pains me to the core of my being – having to admit to myself I will never see you again. I have still not fully comprehended this notion, as they lowered you into the dirt from which God took you out of.

I remember your contagious laughter…I remember your smile. I know your smile will forever be in my heart because your smile was the smile of true happiness. You were not just my father, you were also my inspiration. Many kids grow up without dads and many more grow with terrible dads. But few can truly say that their father was the reflection of our father who art in heaven. It is easy for me to know The Father because of you. You made it so easy for me to turn to Him in my time of need. To trust Him with all my heart because I trusted you with all my being. I owe you not just my life but my eternity for your persistence and constant humility that you chose to display in such a selfish world. You didnt have to be the way you were, you chose to be the way you were. You are the representation of what sacrificing truly means. The world was never kind to you. It was always seeking to break your spirit. It was always trying to get you down. But you did not waver from Gods path. You stayed on it. On those long lonely nights, only your family can confirm, you chose peace over pride. You chose peace over warmth. You created a golden standard for what true Biblical fatherhood is all about. I can love my kids unconditionally because of your love for us. I can love my wife because of your dedication and committment to mom. Despite the hardships – you were always there. You fought till the end. With every last breathe in your lungs – you fought to keep peace. You fought to be righteous in the eyes of God.

There will only be a few in this world that will truly get to appreciate a good father like you. You were the same yesterday, today and forever and you never changed whether you were at work or alone. You made living by the Word seem so easy. But we all know what you went through inside. You sacrificed everything. Your hobbies. Your pleasures. Your life. For us. For HIM. This is the true representation of dying to oneself for others, and for CHRIST.

I remember the spiritual counseling. I remember the prayers we had when I was in the spiritual gutters. I remember coming up to you and hugging you and telling you how much you meant to me. I know we will always be missing something with you gone. I know that I would not be the Christian I am today if it wasnt for your constant prayers. I know you have a favor with God and God protected you. I cannot say that I was the best son. But I can honestly say you were the best Father.

We all wish we could do more. We all wish we couldv’e said more. Spent more time. But we forget our time on this earth is limited and it expires. Some may have years…others may have months or even days. Just remember to treat everyone as if they have only a few days left. Because in all reality the amount of time that we spend with loved ones only equates to days and one swift day they are gone like the wind blowing through the field.

Always loved, and always remembered, my dear father, Nikolay Kravchenko.