Are we to listen to our parents in everything?

I think many of you at one point have struggled with this question. Are we to listen to our parents?….

Well, this question is controversial. This is due to the nature of the question…

For Instance, if our parents tell you what to do, do you to listen to them?

This may depend on many factors and variables. Some parents struggle with letting go of their kids. This attachment is normal, however, this can be attachment to an unhealthy level.

I have many friends that are controlled by their parents. They receive phone calls around the clock and spend countless hours talking to their parents.

When does this behavior become extreme?

Well I think this is a case by case comparative, because not all parents are so engaging or intrusive in their children’s life. I think having your parents genuinely interested in what you are up to, is standard protocol. But if you are 30 years old and you spend 2 hours a day with either your mom or dad, that is a little unhealthy.

I grew up in a very independent background. My parents were interested in what we did, but gave us space to grow and explore life independently. I think many parents fear that their kids will make bad decisions so they can’t help but be fully involved in the kids life.

What does the Bible say about parenting?

Well, to understand what we are to expect we must first explore what the Lord asks of our parents.

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 2:6).

Parents are commanded by God to teach their kids of a Godly life.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

This verse is referring to both the parents, although it says fathers, it means parents. I think many parents don’t take this into consideration. They act like all their actions are justified. I think parents forget that they are suppose to be the reflection of what God wants of us. I am stressing how important this verse is, because often times, bad habits, bad behavior is handed down the blood lines because of undisciplined parents. A parent cannot expect a child to be Christian when they themselves act like children.

Imagine if Jesus came to earth and acted like a child, threw irrational tantrums, reacted on his emotions…didn’t control his temper….How would that effect his credibility?

Would people respect him? Would people believe that he is the way? Or would people see him and say, what makes him any different than us, he too acts just as foolish and ill-mannered as all do.

I think it is highly important for parents to display discipline in their own life. Kids will absorb that behavior automatically. Its not living by words but displaying them in action.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (Colossians 3:21)

This verse is also telling parents to not discourage their children, because they will lose heart. Exasperate also may mean; aggravate, provoke, embitter, etc.

So God is very strict with how parents are to raise their children. So how are we to treat our parents?

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. (Colossians 3:20).

I think this verse is very bold, it literally says to listen to your parents in everything they say. What if your parents aren’t Christian does this apply?

Well, this is a very touchy subject, the Bible is very strict about honoring your parents. But what does it mean to honor?

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)

God will actually prolong your days if you honor your parents.

As we read here, it says obey your parents “in the Lord” why does it say in the Lord here? Well, I think its because some people have parents that aren’t Christian and if the parents are enforcing something that isn’t Biblical and it doesn’t align with sound doctrine we are to turn to Gods truth not our parent’s law.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1).

As I noted above, the verse where it tells parents not to anger their children and the verse where we are to honor our parents are in the same context. I think God did this on purpose, because many parents are very irrational and they will use personal opinions, personal agenda to lay down the law with their children.

God puts several authorities in our life on purpose. We are to obey the law of the land (authority). Wives are to submit to their husbands, children are to obey their parents, we are to obey a boss, and most importantly we are to obey God.

Even though this law is laid down, we realize that there will be conflicts. If a boss asks an employee to do something ungodly this may conflict with Christian principals. We are told to obey God first hand, as long as none of these authorities in our life conflict with our walk with Christ. We must obey God above man.

The reason why we are to obey authority is because, if we can’t even obey a parent what makes us think we will obey a spouse, or especially God.

I think often times parents may just be looking out for the welfare of their children, this is a God given intuition, so we are still to consider what our parents have to say, even if they aren’t exactly Godly.

In conclusion, I don’t want to mislead anyone by what I am saying, there are many parents that are abusive and hurtful towards their children. I believe that these parents have forfeited their authority as parents and shouldn’t be surprised when their children are disobeying them. I think if children are in very abusive atmospheres, its hard to say, children obey your parents regardless. Most parents will look out for the welfare of the child, but if the parent is being completely and utterly irrational we are to remove ourselves from that atmosphere. Some parents will set such unrealistic goals and standards for their children that the kids will not be able to handle it.

I too struggled with this issue growing up. I struggled listening to authority that seemed to do everything for personal gain not godly outcome, and how I dealt with this was by removing myself from the situation. I’m not encouraging people to run away from their problems, but if something can be avoided, its better to live in a peaceful and Godly environment than in a hostile one.

Many parents think that they have it all figured out. They have all the answers. But often times they forget that their guide to parenting should be the word of God. Their guide to training should be the voice of the Holy Spirit, not the reactions and reasoning of a unreasonable mind.

God wants us to grow spiritually, he doesn’t want us to be infants in our spiritual walk. And a Godly parent should want the same, they should want us to make decisions on our own, to be able to function without their intrusion. So they must allow their children to grow both mentally and spiritually.