Decisions of Life: The Good with the Bad- Part 1

I have always been a bad decision maker, this goes probably for most of us…

How many of us are proud of everything we have ever done? How many of us recall a very specific bad decision we have made in our life?

Oh man, If making bad decisions was a sport I would be a professional…..It seems that no matter how hard I try I still cannot overcome bad decisions in life.

Let me recall one very bad decision in my life that still haunts me to this day. As a young adolescent, I grew up in Fresno California, for those that have no idea where that’s at…? Good. Its a terrible place, somewhere between San Francisco and Mexico…where the Gangs are like street performers on the main strip in Vegas.

When I was roughly 10 years old, I was walking to school with one of my best friends Ryan. As we walked to our open house event, we would walk and talk about the video games that were coming out, or which girl was cuter…what else can a 10 year old have on their mind, right? Well, as we approach the school I see a small sedan swiftly take a corner -as the tires screeched against the pavement- I was distracted by the young couple across the street, as a young man is scrambling to run towards his house with his lady friend. As the car start to approach in his direction, the guy quickly turns to his lady friend and shoves her on the ground. The car stops immediately in front of the house, and as I stand there dismayed, I cannot help but be frozen in my feet. A young Asian male, pops right out of the sun roof, with a few automatic riffles.

At that moment, my life was officially in danger. I am torn between seeing what will actually happen and running for my life, but this wasn’t because I truly wanted to see someone get hurt, but because I was having a difficulty moving. So as I witness the male being shot multiple times, I quickly realize, that it could be a matter of seconds before my life can end. Instantly, my flight mode kicks in, as I begin to run down the street. However, there is hardly anywhere to run, as I start to run I realize that the huge fence guarding the entire school is the entire block long….there’s no way I can out run a car in that matter of time. So I see a tree and run towards it, and hide as the car starts to approach behind me.

As I stand there frightened for my life, I realize that I am now at the mercy of these people. I knew that being a witness in most cases wasn’t an ideal position to be in. So I peak around the corner as the car drives closer…and closer…My heart is racing, I can now start to see the suspects faces…I can start to make out the details of their face. As they get closer they begin to slow down, and my heart practically stops…I then realize that my life can be over in the next few seconds. I stare at them knowing that the only thing between me and them is a tree the width of a fire hydrant. As they fully come to a stop, I see the 3 men gazing at me, like mercenaries ready to claim their kill. I can see one mans gaze as dark as a nights eve without a single star. I am frozen solid, I cannot move..As my mind is racing, I start to think the best thing to do in that moment. I begin to run…I thought that making a run for it seemed rational at the time. They start to accelerate again but I am running as fast as my legs can move…I realize they are right behind me….I am moving closer to the end of the block, and suddenly I trip and fall…I stumble over a patch of grass and as a I lay there hopelessly I see them approaching. I think, this is it…my time has come…They are about 60 feet from me now…Suddenly I hear a scream, as the victims parents come out. They are traumatized, the suspects quickly react, as they turn to see people gathering outside, they yell something very quickly, and drive off very rapidly as I just lay there hopelessly. I thought that my life was over, however, so much had just happened in a matter of seconds.

Well, as I cleaned myself off, I start to walk back to the school all shaken up. I am approached by many people, as they start to interrogate me about what had happened. I am speechless at first, but as my mind clears and begins to regain full awareness, I start to tell them the story. Shortly after, a news team arrives. This is where the bad decisions are made! I think, oh this is a great time for me to be a hero. To tell everyone what I had seen…Of course it was the right thing to do…right? Well, as I proudly tell them my testimony, I make my way towards my house. I am greeted by my parents as they stand there all frantic and nervous.

My dad immediately asks me; “what did you do?” I was confused, what had he been talking about, was I in trouble for almost being shot? I was the victim yet somehow had become the suspect. He yelled even louder; “how stupid do you have to be to be an eye witness on local news channel..? Now they will come after you, these gang bangers will kill you…!” My world had been changed in a matter of seconds. Was he right, had a decision to be a hero actually backfired? Was I in mere danger now? I was suddenly devastated, as the thought began to sink in….

As many of you can guess, I wasn’t gunned down, but the haunting fear of the street of the shooting will live with me forever…..I was afraid to walk in my neighborhood for the remainder of the time I lived there.

How many of us have ever made really bad decisions, I mean, maybe not get yourself shot decisions, but just really poor decisions where you feel ashamed. You feel guilty, or depressed? I think we all have, In fact, I don’t think I would be the person I am today, if I hadn’t been traumatized as a child (hahaha)… We are shaped by our decisions even if they are bad ones.

However, it doesn’t mean you have to live with these heavy burdens. You can let all the stresses, guilt, and shame go. We are told that Jesus does not condemn us. We are told that he forgives us no matter how bad the decision was…

If you are in a dead end relationship that is Spiritually pulling you down, and you feel guilt…let it go, let Jesus take the burden…Flee from sin and he will free you from all the guilt, the shame, the stress.

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7). 

I no longer allow this to bother me, even though it was tough to bare. I just learn from it now, I realize how blessed I am to live in a city like Bellingham away from all the crime I once lived in…I am full of thanksgiving to a Lord that spared me, even though he really didn’t have to… I am thankful that he allowed me to live a tough life so I could testify about it later.

This bad decision was only the beginning to a pattern of very bad decisions that followed…However, every bad decision doesn’t define me. It isn’t who I truly am, It just proves that I am a human like you and me and we are all capable of making bad decisions.

As I get older and my Spiritual walk strengthens it is easier for me to rethink a bad decision and replace it with a good one. We must all strive to do the same, we want God to be proud of us, not be disappointed as my dad was after my testimony on live TV…